Technology

It is official...my computer bit the dust.  No wonder I couldn't get it working properly!  I thought it simply had too many viruses, but it turns out it over heated...who knew you should clean it????  Ha ha!  Of course I knew that, but obviously, I didn't do it enough...:(
I have a love/hate relationship with anything technological.  I love all that it allows me to do...instant answers to almost any question I have, email...instant communication with loved ones, facebook, the ability to send/recieve business info without a trip to town...and the list goes on...  BUT I hate all the problems that arise from technology...breakdowns and not being able to blog/email, viruses, sending emails to the wrong address just because I forgot one little "."...well, you know what I mean.
So this week I will be looking for a new computer...overwhelming...so many options, so little knowledge on what is a good buy...
Until then I will limp my way through my daily "need" of technology using this small, s.l.o.w. computer...

Thankfulness

My computer has been acting rather wonky lately...I think it has an over abundance of viruses.  Hopefully I can have it up and running well very soon.  But until then, I will stick to posting without pictures...it takes WAY too long to post.  That means I will be VERY late with posting for Valentines, but I simply must post at least one picture at some point of Malia's Valentine's Day hair.  And I still have at least one more post on Haiti...it is such an amazing country!

Lately I have been thinking about all the little things that make my life wonderful...things I can not imagine living without...such as...

...my super soft, but not too soft bed
...feather pillows
...wool blankets
...clean sheets...oh how I love to crawl into bed with that lovely smell!  (Can you tell I LOVE sleeping?!?)
...peeking in on my kids each night after they fall asleep
...cuddles before bedtime
...soft, wintry landscapes...this morning is especially gorgeous due to lots of fog
...seeing our kids' bright eyes as they get off the bus each day
...nap time/quiet time for the girls...my sanity time
...the peace and quiet of country life
...smell of fresh baked bread
...hot chocolate
...hugs from my hubby
...a clean house...it may sound weird, but a clean house totally calms me
...best friends
...advocating for orphans...it is something that motivates and encourages and is on my mind every day
...and most importantly...a God who hears my heart even when I don't say a formal prayer and listens to all my rants!

Have a blessed day!  :)

The Main House Kids

There is something I have been meaning to say about our trip to Haiti...and it is this...First of all, this is my story, the story of how God is working in my life and the things he allowed me to notice and that were impressed upon my heart.  What I experienced may not be what others experience upon visiting Haiti or GLA.  Secondly, GLA is an absolutely amazing orphanage...not perfect, but I would venture to say among the very best in the world.  However, it is still an orphanage, which can not and should not be the place a child spends their life!  No matter how good the facility is, it still lacks all that which a loving forever family can  offer.

This was the sight that greeted us each day we arrived at the Main House.  The oldest of the little kids spent time each day out on the balcony.  The bravest of these little ones would blow us kisses and wave.  It was rather overwhelming to see and hear 20+ kids on this balcony with few toys to play with.

I didn't take many photos of the kids in the baby room...better known as the NICU...due to some babies being very fragile.  The NICU houses the very sick and the very young babies.  Most of these babies are very tiny...some smaller than most newborns.

The middle room was for the 6 month to 1 year olds...I'm guessing here.  There were 10 cribs, and 10 babies.  These kids spend most of their day in this room.

Isn't he just the cutest baby ever?!?

I think the nannies must simply hate it when volunteers come in.  We would pick up the babies, cuddle them, play with them, change their diapers, and then put them back in their cribs...which meant there was a LOT of crying!!  This is little Mr. K, not too impressed that I was about to leave.

These 2 cuties are from the NICU.  We were allowed to take one baby at a time up to the balcony reserved for volunteers to spend one on one time with the babies.  There were swings, trikes and many wonderful toys in this area.  Little Miss. K, on the left, arrived at GLA big and healthy.  Little Miss. S, on the right, arrived malnourished, but is doing amazingly well now.  She is still very tiny, but extremely strong.  She was about the size of a 1-2 month old, but could easily do the things a 3-4 month old can do.

One of the many Main House Cooks.  The cooks made amazing meals.  All the meals(except one) were absolutely awesome!

Fort Jacques

Today was a better day...thank God!  I decided it was high time to pull up my socks, suck it up and get on with life!  It is so not like me to wallow in crying.  Perhaps God wants me vulnerable and raw so that I can see what is pure and holy more clearly.  I am ready to begin planning, although, I'm not exactly sure which direction I will take...

 

God's Littlest Angels is currently working on building an entire new facility to house all the children and staff.  This spacious land is in Fort Jacques, up in the mountains above Port Au Prince.  It is a lovely place.  Much quieter than the current location.  Once this project is completed, GLA will no longer be paying rent, thus saving money.  They currently rent one property for the Main House, where the babies are housed, and one property for the Toddler House, where the 2 year olds and up live.  On top of that, they have a guest house where volunteers and adoptive parents stay.  The new facility will accommodate all of that!

The project at Fort Jacques is well under way, but there is still much work to be done.  They have built a wall around the entire property, a shop, barn, house and a shop/house.  They are currently working on the toddler pods which will house 10 children and 2 nannies.  Each pod costs about 16 thousand dollars and is built by volunteers.  (I'm thinking all my 7 brothers, who all have construction experience, would get a LOT accomplished in one week.) It will have a large play ground with grass!!   The kids currently only have concrete or a balcony to play on.

One pod almost completed...5 more to go...

View of Port Au Prince from the play area.

This place is absolutely lovely in every way...except for the last stretch of road...it is more of a groaz veigcht (I have no idea how to spell that, but it means dirt road...as in what one finds in rural Sk, where the road is generally used by farmers to access a piece of farmland that has no access road), than an actual road.

Tears...

I am beginning to wonder if my tears will ever stop.  We were asked to share a bit in church this morning, but I couldn't...I would only have cried.  Every time I look at my pictures or watch videos, I cry, actually I sob...and I'm not really sure why.   Every time I remember my experience, I cry.  I know God wanted us to go to Haiti.  I know He has something to say to us...but I don't know what it is.  I know He wants us to speak for the Haitian people, the destitute, the orphan, those hurting...but how?  I know He wants us to act out His love in real, concrete ways, but I feel so helpless.  I feel He is being silent... and yet speaking loudly...does that make sense at all?!?  I have never felt so confused before...

Haiti-Day One and Two

We arrived in Haiti after a 5 hour delay in Saskatoon and a looong night spent in various airports.  I instantly loved the wonderful warmth in the air.  However, the thrill of warmth soon evaporated when I saw our mode of transportation.  We were loaded onto a truck, known as the cattle truck.  We all looked at each other and said "Seriously?  We're ALL suppose ride in this?  With all our luggage?"  The answer was " Yes!"  I didn't get a good picture of the loaded truck, but here it is...minus 20 large suitcases and many carry-ons.  We fit, but we had to stand for the hour long drive up the mountain on narrow, winding, bumpy roads...dodging low hanging branches and wires!

 

Our first view of a tent city...there are no words to describe this scene.

The wind whipped in our hair as we travelled through dust and exhaust.  My hair felt like a matted rats nest by the time we reached our destination.

Most of the debris has been removed and rebuilding has begun...

...but this is what was on the other side of the street.

I remember my mind being a mumble jumble of thoughts and emotions and I'm not sure if I will ever be able to put my thoughts, feelings and experiences to paper...but I will try.  Here is what I journalled on our second day...

Arriving in Haiti was something I could not have prepared myself for.  I knew a lot about Haiti...who doesn't?  Especially following the devastating earthquake in 2010.  I knew it is a third world country and is VERY poor with a huge need for Christ.  I knew many of the stories of the children at God's Littlest Angels.  All of that knowledge did not prepare me for what I experienced.

I saw the emptiness in peoples eyes...the look of lost hope, devastation, and despair...something I was not prepared for.  I don't think there is a way to prepare for that.

We met the kids at the main house.  Wow!  What an experience!  The continual sound of babies crying and the stench of diarrhea.  Babies with runny noses.  I didn't care...I held them and cuddled them anyway.
We cleaned the laundry area today along with the bedroom for 2 teenagers who used to live on the street.  As we cleaned I slipped upstairs several times to check on one of the babies Susan Westwood had blogged about.  The third time I went to see her, I walked in to see Susan and Lisa gently bathing the baby.  It took awhile to realize the little one had passed away.  It hit me like a ton of bricks...one never forgets the smell of death.  (You can read the full heart wrenching story on Susan's blog on the GLA website)

I got to cuddle many babies, all whom I would take home in a heartbeat!  I have had to pull myself together WAY too often today...


What I didn't journal about...I simply could not...was a beautiful lady I met.  She walked, smiled and even looked like my mom!  She had a mischievous personality, walking up behind us girls as we cleaned, and tickled us...something my mom would have done.  I could hardly look at her without bawling...just the sight of her still makes me cry...

We're Home

We are home, safe and sound...an expression that has taken on a whole new meaning after being in Haiti.  I am extremely fatigued and emotionally drained. I could cry at the drop of a hat.  My brain and heart are working overtime to try and sort through all I have seen, smelled, heard, and felt...not an easy task.  Everytime I begin, I am in tears...
How do I even begin to tell people what I experienced when I myself can not make sense of it all?  I wonder what God's purpose is in sending us to Haiti.  I wonder if little Franz...who I must say has the most gorgeous eyes and lashes I have ever seen...is finally feeling better...if my new hero, Susan, has been able to deal with losing a fragile little one...it hurt me so badly and I didn't even know the little one.  How does she do it time and time again?  I wonder if sweet little M, with downs syndrome, will soon find a forever family...if silent withdrawn K will find her way around the big kids house.  She seemed so very much in need of protection...

I'm not sure how long it will take for me to post more.  During the week we were in Haiti I only broke down twice...for less than a minute.  I pulled myself together time and time again.  All our time was spent together and we did discuss many things, but somehow the heart wrenching moments were avoided.  As a group we laughed a lot and joked around a good deal of the time.  I know it was what my heart needed at the time.  I fell into bed exhausted each night...around 8 or 9pm, tossed and turned all night, waking every half hour or so, and had an early start each morning.  Somehow, I was able to, for the most part, bury all these deep thoughts, and for that I am grateful.  It was not the time or place to have a melt down or to sort through everything.  I am praying that in the next days and weeks, as I try to make sense of everything, that I will hear God's voice and feel his comfort and know strength that can only come from Him.