This song has been running through my mind the past couple of days. Especially the one line..."Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal."
It runs through my mind as I watch our sweet Wren. I see her big smile. It's a smile that comes easily for her, but I see more. I see glimpses of her past life...the life lived in an orphanage.
In all honesty, I really don't know my own daughter just yet. I know bits and pieces. Some of what I think I know is based on my experience with adoption. Some is what I see in her eyes. What I do know is this...that what I see now is only a small piece of who Wren is. I know I don't completely understand the grief and fear that I have seen in her eyes. I know that once I know her well, as a mother aught to know her daughter, only then will I really understand these moments we are experiencing now. For now, I am comforted by the words in this song.
This song runs through my mind as I think of our time in Wenshan....
Here's what I wrote last week while still in Wenshan, but didn't share cause my heart was too raw.
We arrived back in Kunming on Thursday night. Friday was an open day, so we headed to Starbucks. It's expensive, but we both needed a little bit of home, and a place to destress. I'm not sure if that is even a word, but it's what we needed to do.
We sat in Starbucks for a few hours, enjoying our drinks and talking...and crying. Once the tears came, there was no stopping them. Trust me I tried, but it was like trying to stop a water main break with a small cap!
I cried for YingYing. I don't know her well enough to say I really know what she was all feeling, but I do know that poor girls heart was breaking! She deserves to be in a family! Then again, which child doesn't. My prayer is that her family will find her, if they haven't already; that their paperwork will be expedited, and that YingYing will soon be home!
I cried for all the kids living without a family. You may think the orphanage we visited was awful, but it wasn't. It certainly wasn't as warm and welcoming as the one we visited in Haiti a few years ago, but it also isn't among the worst.
What broke my heart is knowing that most of these kids will spend the rest of their lives without a family. I don't know how to process that information. I don't know what to do with that information.
Sometimes I want to go knocking on doors in Canada, begging those I know to reach out and offer one of these kids a home. I want to fight the evil that puts kids in these predicaments in the first place. I want to shout from a mountain top that adoption is beautiful! It is hard, but the beauty of it far outweighs the hard.
If I could have, I would have taken every single one of those kids home with me...and some of you would have gotten a most wonderful gift from China! :)
As always, there are a few kids that stick out and will forever be in my mind. The boy lying in the corner crib not making a sound. The "mean" boy who REALLY needs a family that will show him what love is. The little baby that I whispered to my hubby..."she won't be around for long". Sweet Miss LuLu...I will be praying that you are deemed "adoptable". The little girl, sopping wet, who grinned the moment I smiled at her. The bigger girl who melted into my arms and wanted to be held forever...I'm so sorry I didn't hold you longer, but my little Wren needed me.
The tears come and sometimes I wish that my heart could grow new skin.....